old journal entry #1

23Sep08

November 3rd, 2007

“I stand on a precipice before me. Comfort and control lie seductively on my heels, gently pulling, stretching around my ankles, down through my toes grasping ever grasping ever grasping with soft firm hand. 

I feel the warmth of those hands spread over my calves, through my thighs and stopping at my back as a cold wind from the future days sweeps through my torso—colliding with what little warmth dared to attempt to move upwards. The frigid ice smoke filled my chest as I forced my eyelids ope to see what fascinating fanciful force was upon my soul.

I couldn’t make out what was exactly there, but I knew, I KNEW it held unimaginative value to me. It was as if a fog had billowed out of an oven into the unsuspecting face of a chef who was merely trying to check on the fate their tiny world of butter and eggs. 

OH a howling wind is blowing into my mighty mouth. Stopping all communication between my lungs and you. Between my health and heart. I led you on and you led me down a path that’s crawled with self-love and self-doubt. 

YOU and all your protruding fog made me lean forward… so far forward into what lies ahead…..instead of the obvious comfort of the foundation etched into my heels…..”

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